Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I know that I had lightheartedly mentioned that this process would be a roller coaster. I said that not knowing what would lie ahead. When we first started this process we did it thinking that we would use an agency and that this would take up to two to three years. After doing research I found a website about a women that helps with independent adoptions from Congo and the process is much faster. Last night after I laid in bed I received a text from her telling me that the US has made independent adoption illegal. Of course my heart sunk. She also said that we need to make a match and get the process started in the next two months. I had no idea what she meant, but was clearly focused on the fact of illegal independenct adoptions. I was almost sick. She preceded to say that this will take effect in 2014 in order to standardize the process. After a few more texts I realized she was telling me that we need to get this process moving quickly in order to ensure we get her home before January. That has always been our plan, but I feel even more pressure and so many questions enter my mind. Some of which I know are Satan....What if we can't get it done before January due to Congo embassy, finances, time? Is this God saying you are pushing too hard it just needs to fall in place? Too many to mention, but you get the point where my heart is today. I have been in tears for most of the morning and I keep telling myself God has this, you have to believe that God's will, will prevail. Why is it even though I know this I still feel this pit of fear? This little girl that I have only dreamed about is already a part of our family and the emotion is raw. I know that this is all part of the spiritual growth that I asked for. As John said, God's divine plan is already written. Please pray that I can push the fear Satan is instilling and feel God's love and peace.